Sticky Situations: Sparing Feelings or Being Cruel?

Have you ever worked with someone that, regardless of your feelings about them as a person, you knew they were completely unsuited for their position?

Have you ever seen someone that others regularly minimize, marginalize, or ignore because that person offers little or no value in their current role?

Do you think people in that position feel frustrated?

Do you think they ask for help?

I bet they do. I know they do.

I’ve seen it.

As managers, we often find certain topics difficult to discuss, but that doesn’t mean our best option is ignoring them. In fact, it’s usually quite the opposite.

What’s more humane?

1. Getting an issue out in the open
2. Letting someone struggle alone
3. Giving someone indirect or useless counsel because you don’t want to hurt their feelings

If someone isn’t suited for their job, or is missing vital skills that must be developed, avoiding the issue isn’t going help anyone.

We’re not sparing their feelings by not discussing their situation honestly. We’re sparing our own!

It’s selfish of any manager not to confront these situations honestly, respectfully, sensitively, AND with the goal of resolving them.

Comments

[ann michael]

Hi Ellen:

That's what I thought when I read your post about fear:

http://www.brainbasedbusiness.com/2007/10/business_driven_by_fear.html

You described exactly how many people act when they're in the wrong job and worried about their future!

Ann

[Ellen Weber]

What a cool post Ann, and how true is that. I feel as though we were writing in synchrony today - but what unique angles you took here that filled in the details so well! Thanks for the harmony of your words and insights Ann, and I see some good friends over here too. Ellen

[ann michael]

Great comments, Wally!

New managers aren't trained in these areas often at all. What's more they continue to get promoted and become senior managers and executives that aren't comfortable (or at least experienced) with these discussions.

Like begets like and the cycle continues.

[Wally Bock]

There are two reasons why "managers find certain topics difficult to discuss" that we can fix.

"Managers find certain topics difficult to discuss" because we don't have a selection criterion that anyone promoted to a management job needs to be comfortable with talking to others about performance and behavior. We should have that criterion since those conversations are at the core of a manager's daily work. Great supervisors have those conversations dozens of times a day.

"Managers find certain topics difficult to discuss" because after we promote people to management, we don't give them any training in how to talk to others about behavior and performance or about how to set expectations, check for understanding, and make small course corrections.

Instead, we either give the new manager no training at all in these important skills or we give them frivolous advice like "Set people at ease" without telling them how. Or we tell them they need to "motivate their people" without bothering to think that you simply can't motivate another person. Motivation is self-delivered.

We'd have a lot more productive conversations about tough issues if we did better selection and provided training in the skills needed.

[ann michael]

I agree with your approach, Eric.

In one situation I witnessed years ago, the employee in question was quite senior and had been promoted to a function that emphasized his weaknesses and downplayed his strengths.

The perfect job for his skills was a more focused position that was one level "lower" on the hierarchy than the position he was in. No one wanted to "insult" him by suggesting this so that job was ultimately filled with someone else. After several more months of frustration and humiliation the individual was let go!

The irony was, he would have LOVED to have had that other job. It was just what he wanted to do - and no one ever offered it to him and he didn't think it was an option for him to apply!

It was very sad!

[Eric Peterson]

Great post Ann!! I think a lot of managers (dare I say) cower away from these situations.

If an employee really isn't suited for the specific job they're doing, yet they can be a valuable asset to the company, then I think it's important for managers to do a few things:

1) Confront the situation - (just as you have suggested)....
2) Get feedback and suggestions from the employee, showing that you value their input as well...then,
3a) Provide the coaching, teaching, etc. that the employee needs to obtain the skillset required, or
3b) Move the employee somewhere else in the organization where there is the "right fit" for both the employee and the company